For my Motivation and Management class we have been assigned a book called “Setting Limits in the Classroom” by Robert J. MacKenzie. The book is fabulous and has caught my attention enough for me to bring it to my husbands football games and read it in between plays.
The book itself was written for school teachers hence the title, “Setting Limits in the CLASSROOM.” However I have come to see the relevance to parents and setting limits in the home. After all lessons at home affect lessons at school. Have you ever recognized the amazing similarities between parents and children. Every time I meet one of my students parents suddenly their behavior and personality make more sense and I can see more of the reasons behind why they are the way they are. I noticed it in myself when I moved away for college and caught myself reacting to my roommates mess the exact same way my mother would have. At the time I was shocked to realize I had become more like my mother than I had previously realized but after the shock factor wore off I found myself laughing because I had just proved true what everyone always said about becoming your parents. I think that is one of the main reasons I went into teaching. I wanted to do something with influence. And just as parents have influence at home that carries over into the rest of the child’s life, teachers have influence at school which also carries over into the child’s life. How exciting!
Anyway, back to the book. Robert MacKenzie teaches how children do research to see what adults limits are. He claims that most of what we consider to be misbehavior is actually limit testing or children’s attempts to clarify what we really mean. Isn’t that an eye opener! When children misbehave we often wonder what is wrong with them and why don’t they follow directions. Some parents and teachers have even had children tested for learning disabilities when in reality nothing was wrong with the children, they had just done their research and found out how far they could push adults limits each time. MacKenize addresses the fact that we teach children two rules in effect: a rule in theory and a rule in practice. We often believe that we teach a rule by simply conveying it verbally. Over and over again we ask children to turn off the television and do their homework. Verbally they know our rule and most likely could repeat it verbatim back to us. But we are missing the second half which to children is signifcantly more important and perhaps the only real rule they consider. It is our action. When we indicate it is time to turn off the T.V. we must give them all the information they need to make an acceptable decision. For example, “Brandon it is time to turn off the T.V. and work on some homework.” Brandon has heard you say it a thousand times before and knows its the rule. However, Brandon also knows that he has at least five more minutes before you will actually make him turn the T.V. off and begin his homework. He was done his research! In order to correct Brandon’s limit testing we must follow through with our rules in a matter of fact manner allowing choices. “Brandon it is time to turn off the T.V. and do your homework. You may turn it off now or lose your privilege of playing with friends after your homework is done.” Brandon now has all the information he needs to make an acceptable choice concerning his behavior and because he knows his parent will follow through with the consequence (which he has learned through experience) he turns off the T.V. and completes his homework without a power struggle.
That was probably way more information than you wished to read about the book but it has honestly been an interesting read for me. I have found information that is of great worth to me as both a parent and a teacher. I hope you find the same.
One of my favorite quotes that reminds me of my influence in the classroom says, “Teachers can’t control the faulty lessons children learn at home, but they can help children move in a more acceptable direction by teaching their rules effectively in the classroom.” (Page 77)
